I hate that you know you're twisting my brain

When I'm full of apathy, I can't fight the pain

All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

It's not Intentional, the way I feel
I never meant it not to heal

Please don't leave me
Without my light on
Don't feel like it's shining
Tell me, if it's gone

I don't want to know what happened to me
I just want to live, to smile and to be

I want to heal it
I can't bear to look
Can't bear to feel it
Or bring myself to look

Can't bring myself to look at me
Or ask me why I came to be
I stand back and watch me fall
And wonder why it has to be this way, at all

All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

Turnabout is fair play, I guess

Some of you may be interested to know that I make a surprise appearance on Paul D. Selman's blog, "Films, Books And Rock 'N' Roll", today.

As his blog title suggests, Paul offers brutally honest reviews of all the films, books and rock and roll his senses have been exposed to. As someone who stuggles to plough through a book, I for one am happy to get a brief, punchy view of what goes on in "Bookland". As for the films and music, it's a pretty accurate way of assessing whether to give your time to listening/seeing them, in my opinion!

Also on Paul's "blogedyblog", every now and then you'll be treated to a peek at some of his original and varied artwork (including some amusing cartoons). Fair's fair, he was in the photo on my last post so if you click here you'll see a portrait he recently painted of me... He's a clever lad; I think his painting is better than the original! :-)

Would you love me?

~ ~ I think you should

~ Try to love me

~ ~ ~ ~ I never could

Love me, love me

~ ~ Like you should

Love me, love me

~ ~ I never could

All text and images © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

I want to be young

I want to know that

nothing I do matters

everything I do counts

I want to smile in that

way that you can

when you're young

and nothing matters

but everything counts

All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

I feel sad, so deep inside

~ ~ And bad for feeling like it

I feel guilty for my sadness

~ ~ Stuck in my lonely, lonely madness

Everything seems too far away

~ ~ No energy to rise and play

I see the things that I should do

I want to hide, can't bear/bare to do

I rise, I fall

And failure sweeps on in

Depressed depressing, depression

I lie, I weep, my tears they creep

Cold and dark solitude enters in

The child inside, I can't abide

Its hurting any longer

Desperate to find my happy side

Make it deeper

Make me stronger

The world rushes by and why can't I

Find... my... smile...

~ ~ Help me, I'm falling

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ help me

Distract me from me

All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

Tears boiling in me

Salt water rising

Frightened, so hold me

Then throw me out

To the world

Make me connect

I need to connect

~ ~ ~ But I'm frightened so hold me and don't let me go

~ ~ ~ I need you so near me I'm too scared to go

All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

Stuck in a tiny world of hurt

Overflowing the edges of their scathing words

Small enough to crush

But big enough to feel

Trapped inside of something I can't heal

Images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

Lost and trample

flick and switch

pulling eyes down

stretched and taught

sick of tired

shaky but firm

laying blankly

Every tiny thing! A germ waiting to be touched

It's all been seen

and cloth and fabric and soft and it's all permeated but I can't feel clean why?

tired lips, grumpy and full

and overhanging and I can't control it

but I do and not knowing is making me worse and tired

but I know I am knowing and even life flowing feels heavy

Should be floaty but then I don't engage

choose me but if I am then I lose me

so I can't ask me why, but all you, everywhere, do

and I stilt and I can't make my voice stop you poking

and in my face, do you know, then you know

So don't ask but then I'm alone

and I'm home but uncomfortable fabric and cloth

and that where I am and I don't understand

but I could or I couldn't or something less tiring could be more fun!

But I need to sleep, trapped in a pleat, but that word is annoying me, ploying!

And me, I am faint and dizzy and my fingers annoy me; they fudge and plomp and I need to shout and its full in my mind and its running around and word association makes me cross!

Jittery, neurotic and weak

Shaky and lifeless

hungry and bad and

plump

Full of intolerance

empty of world

to tearful nostalgia

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~and laying still

All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2007

Scared of the lines we make on our faces

I want memories to make

But too scared to go places

The moments, they pass

But not on our faces

Our faces telling stories

of the things we've never done

The battles we never won

Yet still I watch traces

The lines on our faces

And hope our lives will write the right way

All images and text © 2005 Wendy Jedrzejewska

A tablet
~ ~ ~ the fabric
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ of all that I am
A chemical me


All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

More strength from vulnerability

I'll craze myself until it hurts
Berate myself for all I'm worth
Regret and cry
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ and laugh and lie

If I can't make me move within
the tiny span I allow for me
the tiny protection from misery

I'll hurt myself with hate, with pain
Perfection's lost once again

Perfection died; it never lived
And I can't love me like we did

I look at me and fill with hate
fear me, dread me, annihilate


All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005

I hate to start at the beginning; it's far too scary...

Arms and ribbons
Screaming and noises
Arms like ribbons
scream out with noises
Arms wave like ribbons
And voices are screaming
Noises like noises
Your arms move like ribbons
They trail all around me
And people all have something to say
With a voice that screams 'round me
And noises from voices
With arms just like ribbons
And screaming and noises


All images and text © Wendy Jedrzejewska 2005